“I am scared that my family will be broken. I don’t want my children to live without a father or a mother. But, my mother-in-law calls me a curse to her family. She tells me, ‘Daughter of a beggar, go away. We don’t need you.’ She also says that her son lost his peace of mind after marrying me” Sameena (name changed), a 23 year old Beary woman in Uppinangady reveals the dark side of her married life to her old friend, who unexpectedly met her while washing clothes on a river bank.
The prime reason for her mother in law’s rage is the fact that she failed to bring the exact amount of dowry demanded during the wedding.
Sameena is married to Musthafa, a driver in profession. She has spent most of her marital life listening to abuses.
For the past four years, Sameena has been beaten by her mother-in-law for the same reason time and again: dowry. According to Sameena, her husband did not demand dowry during the time of engagement. But, after bowing to his mother’s pressure, he demanded Rs.1 lakh and 50 sovereign of gold for the first time during marriage.
Sameena’s family was unable to meet his demand and she ended up being punished for her family’s inability to give them what they wanted. She thinks living with a husband who does not care and serving an old woman i.e. her mother-in-law, who physically and emotionally abuses her every day is her fate, and that she cannot do anything about it.

Thousands of young married women like Sameena are tortured by their mothers-in-law every day. “I don’t understand why she treats me like this despite being a woman. There is no one to help me. Who is there to help me, to stop my mother-in-law beating and harassing me? No one likes to be beaten. It hurts a lot.” With these words, she not only unveils the story of domestic violence but also reveals the consequence of the practice of dowry system in the local community.
According to the religion of Islam, it is the husband’s family that should provide Mahr for the bride’s family. A Muslim cannot receive dowry from the bride’s family. However, the dowry system has continued to haunt a large number of Muslim families in coastal districts of Karnataka and surrounding areas.
Surveys conducted by NGOs and social organisations show that most married Muslim women in rural areas of Dakshina Kannada and Udupi districts have not received their Mahr, but were forced to give dowry instead. It is very unfortunate that these rural ‘Muslims’ despite being very sensitive in the religious matters, very easily forget about religion when it comes to taking or demanding a dowry. Some, Muslims (including Ulamas), in their bid to legalise this anti-Islamic menace for their selfish causes, go to the extent of claiming that dowry is permissible in Islam!
They may present many justifications for their shameless and illegitimate claim. But the truth is that the practice of dowry has become a kind of source of income for the groom and an easy way to get money without working for it. In my opinion, “social pressure on the bride’s family and fear” are the factors that keep nurturing the dowry system – despite the fact that it is legally banned and strictly prohibited by Islam.
While a person wants more and more money, he does whatever he likes and even stoops himself down to the level of demanding dowry. He cannot even think what is right and what is wrong. When the people, who have unmarried sons, fail to meet their costly demands with their honest earnings, they follow the path of dowry system. Thus this tradition has become a serious bug of our society.
According to natural justice, the responsibility of earning and maintenance of the family rests on the man. And as such earning wealth by means of dowry is wrong. If this practice is not stopped, our society will have to face dire consequences.
In fact, administration, government, parliament, law and order, social traditions all have failed rather miserably in putting an end to the practice of dowry system. Only pure Islamic teachings without any misinterpretation, can stop this grievous and heinous crime.

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