She brought him up, He threw her out...

May 24, 2010
mother
“We adopted him from an orphanage as we did not have any child. My husband was reluctant to accept him as ‘our’ son in the beginning, but then the baby was so bubbly that it won the heart of my better half. It was a beautiful life that followed- full of happiness and ‘life’. We were a happy family”, said Ms Sharma, an elderly lady in the old age home whom we visited from college as a part of our value education programme. She could hardly walk. We had to help her reach the garden. The old age home took care of seventy odd elders in coping up with ageing problems.

Ms Sharma hailed from Mumbai and had started telling us how she reached Mangalore:
“Varun grew up and expressed his desire to be an architect. Though his grades weren’t good enough, my husband managed to get him a management seat in one of the best institutions of the country. It was a different matter that the seat cost us a lot of debt and burden. We did not want Varun to know about the sacrifices we made to avail him a seat. He went to Hyderabad for studies. We did miss him at home, but studies were more important and as parents we wished only the best for him. He got into a famous company through campus recruitment and we were happy for him. But the joy did not last long for our family as my husband expired. It really took time for me to accept the fact that he was no more. My only hope for survival was Varun. I knew ‘my’ son would take care of me. And he did. After a year, he found his life partner in his colleague, Meena, and got married to her. Any mother would be happy to welcome her daughter in law home, so was I. They went on a honeymoon to Singapore and got back home. After a few months I started facing severe health problems and hoped my bahoo would cope with the house hold chores. My son had started avoiding me, or maybe I was just feeling it. After all I was not used to sharing him with anybody, I assured myself. Her mother soon joined us at home. I did not raise any objections, why would I? But little did I know it was an invitation for worries and conflicts. Meena started finding faults with me for the silliest of things and her mother only added fuel to fire. The complaints about his mother being a burden and an annoying creature became a daily dinner component for Varun. And surprisingly he took their side, without seeking any explanation from me. My words of honesty and love were left unheard.”

We had guessed where the story would lead. Trying to console her, my friend Ranjan said, “We understand how difficult and hurting it would have been for you ma’m.”


And she replied, “There is a lot of difference between understanding and experiencing my dear. You may understand what I felt, but you certainly cannot feel what I felt. What you feel is sympathy, what I feel is agony.”


We knew we could not prove her wrong and remained silent. She continued:
“Verbal abuses followed every day. I did not want to provoke it further and kept quiet about every incident. And I knew he would not trust me, he had become a ‘Joru Ka Ghulam’. I was treated like a house maid; given leftover food, made to clean the toilets and wash plates. Varun did not bother, he was busy with his ‘family’. I was not educated, nor did I have the strength in me to work elsewhere, so I had no choice but to tolerate. Where else would I go? Varun was my only family and there were no relatives in town. I had wished to die in the house where my husband lived; where my only son was brought up. My health was deteriorating; the number of medicines prescribed by the doctor were expensive and Varun did not like it a bit to ‘spend’ on an old lady who was a burden. His words hurt me more than my physical pain. For once I thought I would take shelter in some old age home. But I had no money with me to travel even a kilometer. I had asked my late husband to deposit whatever bank balance we had to our son’s account for his use. And I had made the mistake of thinking that my son would always be there for me. Two weeks after my medical report, Varun announced that I was being sent to an old age home in South India, far away from home so that his ‘family’ would not be disturbed. It was a shame to introduce me as his mother to friends when they came home, he told me. I did not know what to reply or how to react. Was this my son? The one whom I loved and for whom my husband sacrificed all luxuries! Did we fall short in giving him whatever he wanted? We had given him the best life we could. The house where he was staying with his family belonged to my husband and not him. ”

How could he even have the guts to say that he felt shameful to introduce her? Damn him, I told myself. This poor, innocent lady had been sent six hundred kilometers away from home by her son; whom she had picked from an orphanage. Had it not been the couple, he would not have received the best education nor met his wife Meena. And he forgot it all within a year? It took years for them to bring him to this position, shell out half their savings to educate him. He got married and has his family, understood. But what gave him the authority to ‘throw’ his mother like that from her own house? Childhood and old age are the two stages of life, when one needs utmost love and affection. This old woman was made an orphan by her son who received an identity only because of her.

“I had never been to Mangalore and it was a new place for me. As I started mingling with the ‘orphans’ here, I realized that there were many people like me in this country. My roommate Mrs Menaka’s story is heart breaking. Her only daughter forged signatures and poor Menaka lost all her property and bank balance. She could have filed a case; but tell me which mother would want to wage a legal war against her daughter for property? Mr. Prasad came here voluntarily to escape from the physical torture his daughter in law gave him, in the absence of his son who works abroad. Forgetting the past is difficult for us, specially the absence of our partners and children. Our children send the management some amount of money every month for our ‘maintenance’. Will someone tell them that we are not objects, but parents who are craving for affection from their children? When my son got married I wished that I could stay alive to see my grandchildren grow. Now I have no reason left to live. A parent never expects money or luxury. All she seeks is love. I still love Varun as my son, but he does not want me as his mother. If my husband was alive, he would not let this happen.”

I could feel the real pain this time and hugged her tight. Fighting back her tears, she continued and we knew it was getting very difficult for her to do so.

“When youngsters like you come here to visit us ‘orphans’, I request them not to do what my son did. Please take care of your parents who have loved you all throughout their lives. They may never tell you what financial problems they face, but give you the best education and life. They will always be there by you, so never abandon them when they need you. You never know what sacrifices need to be made as a parent unless you become one. I probably made the mistake of sacrificing all my life for Varun without saving anything or bothering about myself. When you have children, give them the best you can, but don’t neglect yourselves. Remember my advice. I have lost all that I had and do not want anyone to meet a fate like me. Everyone here has a sad story to tell, but do not want to as it reminds them of their past. We are trying to move on with our lives as long as we can. God bless you all.”

I had tears in my eyes not just for her; but for the plight of humanity in this world. Images of my parents started forming in my mind. Where have we come? What has gone wrong?

As we were about to leave, she told us: “I only hope I get to meet him before I die. Pray he does come and meet me, won’t you? I still wonder why I sacrificed my life for him. Why, why did I?”

Ms Sharma’s real life story has had a great impact on my approach towards life and parents.

All the elders in the old age home are waiting for their family to come back and take them home someday. I pray that her wish to meet Varun comes true and that we do not commit a sin like him.

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Ram Puniyani
February 22,2020

This January 2020, it is thirty years since the Kashmiri Pundits’ exodus from the Kashmir valley took place. They had suffered grave injustices, violence and humiliation prior to the migration away from the place of their social and cultural roots in Kashmir Valley. The phenomenon of this exodus had been due to the communalization of militancy in Kashmir in the decade of 1980s. While no ruling Government has applied itself enough to ‘solve’ this uprooting of pundits from their roots, there are communal elements who have been aggressively using ‘what about Kashmiri Pundits?’, every time liberal, human rights defenders talk about the plight of Muslim minority in India. This minority is now facing an overall erosion of their citizenship rights.

Time and over again in the aftermath of communal violence in particular, the human rights groups have been trying to put forward the demands for justice and rehabilitation of the victim minority. Instead of being listened to those particularly from Hindu nationalist combine, as a matter of routine shout back, where were you when Kashmiri Pundits were driven away from the Valley? In a way the tragedy being heaped on one minority is being justified in the name of suffering of Pundits and in the process violence is being normalized. This sounds as if two wrongs make a right, as if the suffering Muslim minority or those who are trying to talk in defense of minority rights have been responsible for the pain of Kashmiri Pundits.

During these three, many political formations have come to power, including BJP, Congress, third front and what have you. To begin with when the exodus took place Kashmir was under President’s rule and V. P. Singh Government was in power at the center. This Government had the external support of BJP at that time. Later BJP led NDA came to power for close to six years from 1998, under the leadership of Atal Bihari Vajpayee. Then from 2014 it is BJP, with Narerda Modi as PM, with BJP brute majority is in power. Other components of NDA are there to enjoy some spoils of power without any say in the policies being pursued by the Government. Modi is having absolute power with Amit Shah occasionally presenting Modi’s viewpoints.

Those blurting, ‘what about Kashmiri Pundits?’ are using it as a mere rhetoric to hide their communal color. The matters of Kashmir are very disturbing and cannot be attributed to be the making of Indian Muslims as it is being projected in an overt and subtle manner. Today, of course the steps taken by the Modi Government, that of abrogation of Article 370, abolition of clause 35 A, downgrading the status of Kashmir from a state to union territory have created a situation where the return of Kashmiri Pundits may have become more difficult, as the local atmosphere is more stifling and the leaders with democratic potential have been slapped with Public Safety Act, where they can be interned for long time without any answerability to the Courts. The internet had been suspended, communication being stifled in an atmosphere where democratic freedoms are curtailed which makes solution of any problem more difficult.

Kashmir has been a vexed issue where the suppression of the clause of autonomy, leading to alienation led to rise of militancy. This was duly supported by Pakistan. The entry of Al Qaeda elements, who having played their role against Russian army in 1980s entered into Kashmir and communalized the situation in Kashmir. The initial Kashmir militancy was on the grounds of Kashmiriyat. Kashmiriyat is not Islam, it is synthesis of teachings of Buddha, values of Vedant and preaching’s of Sufi Islam. The tormenting of Kashmiri Pundits begins with these elements entering Kashmir.

Also the pundits, who have been the integral part of Kashmir Valley, were urged upon by Goodwill mission to stay on, with local Muslims promising to counter the anti Pundit atmosphere. Jagmohan, the Governor, who later became a minister in NDA Government, instead of providing security to the Pundits thought, is fit to provide facilities for their mass migration. He could have intensified counter militancy and protected the vulnerable Pundit community. Why this was not done?

Today, ‘What about Kashmiri Pundits?’ needs to be given a serious thought away from the blame game or using it as a hammer to beat the ‘Muslims of India’ or human rights defenders? The previous NDA regime (2014) had thought of setting up enclosures of Pundits in the Valley. Is that a solution? Solution lies in giving justice to them. There is a need for judicial commission to identify the culprits and legal measures to reassure the Pundit community. Will they like to return if the high handed stifling atmosphere, with large number of military being present in the area? The cultural and religious spaces of Pundits need to be revived and Kashmiryat has to be made the base of any reconciliation process.

Surely, the Al Qaeda type elements do not represent the alienation of local Kashmiris, who need to be drawn into the process of dialogue for a peaceful Kashmir, which is the best guarantee for progress in this ex-state, now a Union territory. Communal amity, the hallmark of Kashmir cannot be brought in by changing the demographic composition by settling outsiders in the Valley. A true introspection is needed for this troubled area. Democracy is the only path for solving the emigration of Pundits and also of large numbers of Muslims, who also had to leave the valley due to the intimidating militancy and presence of armed forces in large numbers. One recalls Times of India report of 5th February 1992 which states that militants killed 1585 people from January 1990 to October 1992 out of which 982 were Muslims and 218 Hindus.

We have been taking a path where democratic norms are being stifled, and the promises of autonomy which were part of treaty of accession being ignored. Can it solve the problem of Pundits?

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Ram Puniyani
May 2,2020

India has tragically witnessed the phenomenon of lynching becoming dominant during last few years. It was particularly around the issue of Holy Cow-Beef, that lynchings became more prevalent and two communities had to face the brunt of it, Muslims and dalits. The IndiaSpend data showed the rise of the incidents from 2014 and that close to 90% of victims were Muslims or dalits. Some notorious cases of lynchings were the one of Akhlaq, Junaid, Alimuddin Ansari, the beatings of dalits in Una. At another level it is during this period that the noted social worker Swami Agnivesh was also subjected to humiliating beating in the public. The communal color in India by now is so strong that many events, even before the details are known, are looked at from the communal color and false social noises start even before real facts are known.

Nothing can exemplify this more than the tragic lynching of two sadhus and their driver in Gadchinal village, near Palghar, a city nearly 110 Kilomenters from Mumbai. As the news of this tragedy spread the BJP leaders immediately started blaming Muslim minority for the crime. Nalin Kohli in an Interview to a German Channel said so. Not to be left behind Sambit Patra, the BJP spokesperson launched a tirade  against the liberals-seculars for their silence on the issue. As the matter stands the truth comes out that those sadhus were travelling to Surat from Kandivli area of Mumbai. It is a period of lockdown and they did not have the permission so they were avoiding the highway travel and going through interior routes. On this route was a village Gadchinale, an Adivasi dominated village where this tragedy took place.

During the lockdown period due to Corona virus the economic and social deprivation of poor people is extreme. Many rumors are floating there. In this village the rumor doing rounds was that a gang of chid lifters is roaming in different guises. Thats what these Sadhus were taken to be. Since the victims were Hindus and culprits are deliberately presumed to be from the other community. One recalls that to trigger the Mumbai violence in 1992-93 the incidence of murder of two Mathadi workers (HIndus) and burning of Bane family (Hindu) in Jogeshwari area of Mumbai, both these were false, these incidents were used as the pretext for the attack on the minorities.

In this case not only BJP leaders, the RSS itself also  jumped into fray along with Sadhu Samaj. A vicious atmosphere started building up. 

As the incident took place, Palghar case dominated the usual media channels and large sections of social media. The Government of Maharashtra (Shiv Sena+NCP+Congress) stood on the solid ground of truthfulness and arrested nearly 100 culprits, none of them being a Muslim. Interestingly the local body of the village is controlled by BJP and the chief of this body Chitra Chowdhari is a BJP leader. While the Maharashtra Government is standing on the solid ground of the facts of the case, it has also given the warning that those spreading falsehoods will not be spared.

The cruelty of those taking law into their hands is shocking. During the last few years taking law into the hands of the mobs is becoming close to normal. The real reasons are many. One of this being the lack of proper punishment to those who indulge in such dastardly acts. Not only that many of them are in the good books of the ruling establishment and many of them are honored despite their despicable role in such incidents. One recalls that in case of Mohammad Ikhlaq lynching, one of the accused died in the police custoy due to incidentlal disease. Then Union Central Minister Mahesh Sharma landed up to drape his body in tricolor. In another such case of Alimuddin Ansari, when eight of the accused got bail, the Union Minister Jayant Sinha garlanded them. What message it sends down the line?

The other factors contributing to the rise in intensity of violence is the overall social frustration due to life generally becoming more difficult. The rule of BJP has also encouraged intolerance, where people with differing opinions are looked down upon and called anti- Hindu, Anti National etc. Swami Agnivesh who criticised the blind faith, the statements like ‘plastic surgery in ancient India, or divine nature of Barfani Baba in Amarnath was humiliated in public.

The core issue is the dominance of sectarian mindset promoted by the ruling party and its parent organization the RSS. They are waiting to jump at any event which can be given communal color or where the minorities can be demonized. Few news channels, who are playing the role of loud speakers of divisive politics are adding salt to the wounds. The degree of Hate spread in the society has further taken the aid of innumerable social media networks to spread the false hoods down to all the sections of society.

The need for law against lynching needs to be brought in. All those participating in such dastardly violence need to be punished. Before that the whole atmosphere of Hate mongering and feeling that those talking law into their hands can get away with it, needs to be countered strongly. While a prompt police action against such incidents is the need of the hour, those who have made spreading hate as their business need to realize that no country can progress without the feeling of fraternity. Demonizing weaker sections may give them higher TRP, but it is also undermining our path of peace and progress.

Respect for Indian Constitution and rule of law needs to be restored. The fact check mechanisms like AltNews need to be activated much more. And lastly one must applaud the steps taken by the Government of Maharashtra to ensure that justice is done and Hate spreading is  checked right in its tracks.

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Amar Akbar Antony
 - 
Wednesday, 24 Jun 2020

Beautiful article. We need people like you- the need of the hour.

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Ram Puniyani
February 10,2020

Noam Chomsky is one of the leading peace workers in the world. In the wake of America’s attack on Vietnam, he brought out his classic formulation, ‘manufacturing consent’. The phrase explains the state manipulating public opinion to have the public approve of it policies—in this case, the attack of the American state on Vietnam, which was then struggling to free itself from French colonial rule.

In India, we are witness to manufactured hate against religious minorities. This hatred serves to enhance polarisation in society, which undermines India’s democracy and Constitution and promotes support for a Hindu nation. Hate is being manufactured through multiple mechanisms. For example, it manifests in violence against religious minorities. Some recent ghastly expressions of this manufactured hate was the massive communal violence witnessed in Mumbai (1992-93), Gujarat (2002), Kandhamal (2008) and Muzaffarnagar (2013). Its other manifestation was in the form of lynching of those accused of having killed a cow or consumed beef. A parallel phenomenon is the brutal flogging, often to death, of Dalits who deal with animal carcasses or leather.

Yet another form of this was seen when Shambhulal Regar, indoctrinated by the propaganda of Hindu nationalists, burned alive Afrazul Khan and shot the video of the heinous act. For his brutality, he was praised by many. Regar was incited into the act by the propaganda around love jihad. Lately, we have the same phenomenon of manufactured hate taking on even more dastardly proportions as youth related to Hindu nationalist organisations have been caught using pistols, while police authorities look on.

Anurag Thakur, a BJP minster in the central government recently incited a crowd in Delhi to complete his chant of what should happen to ‘traitors of the country...” with a “they should be shot”. Just two days later, a youth brought a pistol to the site of a protest at Jamia Millia Islamia university and shouted “take Azaadi!” and fired it. One bullet hit a student of Jamia. This happened on 30 January, the day Nathuram Godse had shot Mahatma Gandhi in 1948. A few days later, another youth fired near the site of protests against the CAA and NRC at Shaheen Bagh. Soon after, he said that in India, “only Hindus will rule”.

What is very obvious is that the shootings by those associated with Hindu nationalist organisations are the culmination of a long campaign of spreading hate against religious minorities in India in general and against Muslims in particular. The present phase is the outcome of a long and sustained hate campaign, the beginning of which lies in nationalism in the name of religion; Muslim nationalism and Hindu nationalism. This sectarian nationalism picked up the communal view of history and the communal historiography which the British introduced in order to pursue their ‘divide and rule’ policy.

In India what became part of “social common sense” was that Muslim kings had destroyed Hindu temples, that Islam was spread by force, and that it is a foreign religion, and so on. Campaigns, such as the one for a temple dedicated to the Hindu god Rama to be built at the site where the Babri masjid once stood, further deepened the idea of a Muslim as a “temple-destroyer”. Aurangzeb, Tipu Sultan and other Muslim kings were tarnished as the ones who spread Islam by force in the subcontinent. The tragic Partition, which was primarily due to British policies, and was well-supported by communal streams also, was entirely attributed to Muslims. The Kashmir conflict, which is the outcome of regional, ethnic and other historical issues, coupled with the American policy of supporting Pakistan’s ambitions of regional hegemony, (which also fostered the birth of Al-Qaeda), was also attributed to the Muslims.

With recurring incidents of communal violence, these falsehoods went on going deeper into the social thinking. Violence itself led to ghettoisation of Muslims and further broke inter-community social bonds. On the one hand, a ghettoised community is cut off from others and on the other hand the victims come to be presented as culprits. The percolation of this hate through word-of-mouth propaganda, media and re-writing of school curricula, had a strong impact on social attitudes towards the minorities.

In the last couple of decades, the process of manufacturing hate has been intensified by the social media platforms which are being cleverly used by the communal forces. Swati Chaturvedi’s book, I Am a Troll: Inside the Secret World of the BJP’s Digital Army, tells us how the BJP used social media to spread hate. Whatapp University became the source of understanding for large sections of society and hate for the ‘Other’, went up by leaps and bounds. To add on to this process, the phenomenon of fake news was shrewdly deployed to intensify divisiveness.

Currently, the Shaheen Bagh movement is a big uniting force for the country; but it is being demonised as a gathering of ‘anti-nationals’. Another BJP leader has said that these protesters will indulge in crimes like rape. This has intensified the prevalent hate.

While there is a general dominance of hate, the likes of Shambhulal Regar and the Jamia shooter do get taken in by the incitement and act out the violence that is constantly hinted at. The deeper issue involved is the prevalence of hate, misconceptions and biases, which have become the part of social thinking.

These misconceptions are undoing the amity between different religious communities which was built during the freedom movement. They are undoing the fraternity which emerged with the process of India as a nation in the making. The processes which brought these communities together broadly drew from Gandhi, Bhagat Singh and Ambedkar. It is these values which need to be rooted again in the society. The communal forces have resorted to false propaganda against the minorities, and that needs to be undone with sincerity.

Combating those foundational misconceptions which create hatred is a massive task which needs to be taken up by the social organisations and political parties which have faith in the Indian Constitution and values of freedom movement. It needs to be done right away as a priority issue in with a focus on cultivating Indian fraternity yet again.

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