Growing up Afghanistan: ‘My parents were told to swap me for a boy’

Agencies
December 1, 2018

Kabul, Dec 1: When Nargis Taraki became the fifth girl born to her parents in Afghanistan, her parents were told they should swap her with another baby in the village.

Now 21, she has made it her life ambition to prove they were right to keep her.

Nargis now campaigns for women's education and empowerment in her home country, and is one of the BBC's 2018 100 Women, according to a BBC News report.

"In 1997, I opened my eyes to the world as my parents' fifth child, and their fifth girl," said Nargis.

"My father's sister, and other relatives, immediately put pressure on my mum to agree to my father taking a second wife. Taking a second or even third wife is not uncommon in Afghanistan, and is sometimes done because they believe a new wife could mean a new chance to have a male child."

When she refused, they suggested that my father swap me for a boy. They even found a family in the village who was willing to give their boy away and take me.

Swapping children is not something that is part of our culture, and I haven't heard of it happening before, but boys are more valued in Afghan society as the traditional family breadwinners.

"People deliberately said things to upset my mother and make her feel inferior for not having a son. Despite her refusal to part ways with me, some elders still kept approaching my father. But he had a completely different mentality. He told them he loved me, and he would one day prove to them that a daughter can achieve everything a son can.

"It was not an easy time for my father. He had a military background and a history of service in the previous Soviet-backed regime, and my native district at the time was controlled by people with religious or fundamentalist tendencies.

"So certain people in the village used to detest him and did not socialise with us.

But my father believed in what he said, and he always stood by his word. Although there was pressure on my parents to swap me because I was a girl, it was a man who had the most positive impact on my character.

"Things got worse for us after Taliban militants took control of our district. In 1998, my father had to flee to Pakistan and soon after that we joined him there.

"Life there was not easy - but he managed to get work as a manager in a shoe factory. Perhaps the best thing to happen to my parents whilst in Pakistan was that they finally had a son, followed by my fifth sister.

"In 2001, we all returned to Kabul after the Taliban regime was toppled. We didn't have a house of our own and had to live with my uncles. My sisters and I managed to keep going to school despite conservatism in our culture.

"I went on to study public policy and administration at Kabul University and graduated two years ago with the highest marks for that year. Throughout that time my father never stopped supporting me.

"A couple of years ago I went to watch a cricket game in Kabul with my sister. There weren't many women in the stadium and our photographs and videos were circulated on social media. People started criticising us and leaving negative comments, saying we were shameless to be in a stadium amongst men. Others said we were trying to spread adultery and were being paid by the Americans.

"When my father saw some of the comments on Facebook, he looked at me and said: "My dear. You have done the right thing. I am glad you have annoyed some of these idiots. Life is short. Enjoy it as much as you can."

"My father died of cancer earlier this year. In him, I lost someone whose constant support made me into the person that I am today, and I know he will always be with me.

"Three years ago I tried to open a school for girls in my native village in Ghazni. I talked to my father about it and he said it would be almost impossible because of cultural boundaries, and even boys have difficulties because of the security situation. My father thought giving it a name of a religious madrassa might have improved our chances.

"In the end I was unable to travel to my native village because it was simply too dangerous. One of my sisters and I still hope to achieve this goal one day.

"In the meantime, I volunteered for several years for NGOs in that part of the world, working for women's education, health and empowerment.

I've also presented talks on a girl's right to go to school, university and to get a job.

"I've always dreamed of studying at the University of Oxford one day. When I look at international university rankings I always find Oxford in first or second position, and when I compare that with Kabul University I feel a bit sad - although that's not to say I'm not thankful I was able to go.

"I love to read in my spare time - an average of two to three books a week - and Paolo Coelho is my favourite author.

"In terms of marriage, I would like to choose someone myself and my family have given me permission to marry someone of my own choice.

"It would be great if I can find someone who has the same qualities as my father. I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who has a similar attitude - who can support me and stand by my choices.

"Family is also important - sometimes you marry the best man out there but then you cannot adapt to his family.

"They will have to support me in what I want to do in my life. If they resist then I will try and change their minds. I believe in what I want to achieve in life and will not compromise.

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News Network
June 24,2020

Washington, Jun 24: An Indian restaurant in the Sante Fe City of New Mexico, owned by a Sikh, was broken into and vandalised with hate messages scrawled on its walls, a media report said Tuesday.

The damage caused to India Palace restaurant is estimated to be worth USD 100,000, local Santa Fe Reporter said adding that the vandalisation is being investigated by local police and the FBI.

Sikh American Legal Defense and Education Fund (SALDEF) has condemned the incident.

"This kind of hate and violence is unacceptable and swift action must be taken to ensure the safety and security of all Americans," said Kiran Kaur Gill SALDEF executive director.

According to the local daily, tables were overturned, glassware was smashed into piles on the floor, wine racks were emptied, a statue of a goddess was beheaded and computers were stolen.

The vandals also turned over and destroyed food warmers while the front desk area was devastated, plates smashed and the kitchen rendered completely unusable, it said.

"I walked into the kitchen, I saw everything and I was like, hold on, what? What is going on here?" owner Baljit Singh told Santa Fe Reporter. "White power," "Trump 2020," "go home," and far worse were spray-painted on walls, doors, counters and any other available surface.

"Some phrases contained threats of violence and derogatory racial slurs," the daily said.

"Santa Fe is a peaceful town, and the Sikh community has lived here, beautifully integrated, since the 60s," said SALDEF board member Simran Singh, who lives minutes away from the restaurant.

"Tensions have flared recently with the reinvigoration of the Black Lives Matter movement and the removal of statues associated with Spanish colonisers of this area, who committed a number of atrocities," he said.

"Nevertheless, we are seeing an outpouring of love and support around the city and in my experience, our neighbors love and appreciate us, as we love and appreciate them," he added.

SALDEF said that it has seen an unprecedented rise in hate crimes including the April 29 incident wherein a Sikh American Lakhwant Singh was brutally attacked by a man identified as Eric Breeman in Lakewood, Colorado.

Lakhwant Singh was told to "go back to your country," while being attacked. No formal hate crime charges have been brought against the attacker.

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News Network
February 16,2020

New Delhi, Feb 16: RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat on Saturday said everyone is unhappy in the society and constantly agitating notwithstanding a "many-fold rise" in materialistic comforts and pleasures.

Addressing a gathering of Sangh workers and intellectuals here in Gujarat, Mr Bhagwat also said that even political parties who are not in power are also agitating.

"Inspite of increase in comforts and materialistic pleasures, everyone is unhappy and is staging agitations. Be it owner or servant, a party in opposition, the common man students, teachers, everyone is unhappy and dissatisfied," the Rashtriya Swayamsewak Sangh (RSS) chief said.

He was speaking on the topic "India's Role in the Present World Context".

Mr Bhagwat further said that bigotry, violence and terrorism are on the rise in the present world.

"India has to give 'dharma'  (wisdom) to the world so that knowledge spreads but humans do not become robotic. We have always talked about the concept of global family but not global market," he said.

The lecture was organised by "Madhav Smruti Nyas", an organisation backed by the RSS.

"To think that we are living in a better world is a half truth. Facilities are not evenly distributed. Rule of Jungle is prevailing. A capable person is crushing the weak to climb up. Knowledge is used more for the destruction of the world," the Sangh chief said.

Mr Bhagwat said people are also misusing social media by spreading "false information" to create controversies.

He also stated that trying to put "everyone into one uniform" is also a form of bigotry.

"US and Russia are super powers. China would become a super power too. Now, what super power nations did to others? They just took control of other countries for their own selfish agenda. These super powers gave it back only when they were asked to do so. Otherwise, they never gave anything to others," said Mr Bhagwat.

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News Network
January 22,2020

Jan 22: India's ranking in the latest global Democracy Index has dropped 10 places to the 51st spot out of 167 owing to violent protests and threats to civil liberties challenging freedoms across the country.

Prime Minister Narendra Modi's government has been criticized by rights groups and western governments after shutting off the internet and mobile phone networks and detaining opposition politicians in Kashmir.

Modi’s government has also responded harshly to ongoing protests against a controversial, religion-based citizenship law. Muslims have said their neighborhoods have been targeted, while the central government has attempted to ban protests and urged TV news channels not to broadcast “anti-national” content. Some leaders in Modi’s ruling party called for “revenge” against protesters. India’s score in 2019 was its worst ranking since the EIU’s records began in 2006, and has fallen gradually since Modi was elected in 2014.

The Economist Intelligence Unit’s 2019 Democracy Index, which provides an annual comparative analysis of political systems across 165 countries and two territories, said the past year was the bleakest for democracies since the research firm began compiling the list in 2006.

“The 2019 result is even worse than that recorded in 2010, in the wake of the global economic and financial crisis,” the research group said in releasing the report on Wednesday.

The average global score slipped to 5.44 out of a possible 10 -- from 5.48 in 2018 -- driven mainly by “sharp regressions” in Latin America, Sub-Saharan Africa, the Middle East and North Africa. Apart from coup-prone Thailand, which improved its score after holding an election last year, there were also notable declines in Asia after a tumultuous period of protests and new measures restricting freedom across the region’s democracies.

Asia Declines

Hong Kong, meanwhile, fell three places to rank 75th out of 167 as more than seven months of violent and disruptive protests rocked the Asian financial hub. An aggressive police response early in the unrest, when protests were mostly peaceful, led to a “marked decline in confidence in government -- the main factor behind the decline in the territory’s score in our 2019 index,” the group said.

In Singapore, which ranked alongside Hong Kong at 75th, a new “fake news” law led to a deteriorating score on civil liberties.

“The government claims that the law was enacted simply to prevent the dissemination of false news, but it threatens freedom of expression in Singapore, as it can be used to curtail political debate and silence critics of the government,” EIU analysts said.

China’s score fell to just 2.26 in the EIU’s ranking, placing it near the bottom of the list at 153, as discrimination against minorities, repression and surveillance of the population intensified. Still, in China “the majority of the population is unconvinced that democracy would benefit the economy, and support for democratic ideals is absent,” the EIU said.

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