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Mumbai, Jun 16: In the wake of Sushant Singh Rajput's death, veteran actor Deepti Naval has opened up about her struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts in the early 90s.

Naval shared a poem that she wrote during her struggle with depression on her Facebook page after paying tributes to Rajput, who was found hanging in his Bandra apartment on Sunday at the age of 34.

According to a police official, Mumbai Police found out during the probe that the actor was under medication for depression

"Dark days these... So much has been happening - mind has come to a point of stillness... Or rather numbness. Today I feel like sharing a poem I wrote back in the years when I was fighting depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts - Yes, fighting... and like how," Naval wrote.

The 68-year-old actor made her debut with Shyam Benegal's 1978 "Junoon" and went on to feature in films like "Chashme Buddoor", "Ankahee", "Mirch Masala", Saath Saath among others in the 80s.

Naval's poem, titled "Black Wind", begins by describing how anxiety engulfs a person.

"Anxiety grips me with both hands, spiked claws dig deep into my soul I gasp for breath and stagger around sharp corners of my single bed.."

In the poem, Naval talks about fighting suicidal thoughts and depression, describing it as a "ghoulish lust" she won't succumb to.

"The telephone rings... no, it stops...God damn! Why don't anyone speak? A voice, Just a human voice In this shameless, pitiless Abyss of the night - gloom deepens into darkness, turns purple I feel dark inside."

The actor ends by writing that she will survive the night, its "deathly design" and fight.

"The world's a snake pit, so let it be! I dare the devil to get the better of me! Deepti Naval, Night of July 28, 1991."

In an interview with PTI last year, Naval had mentioned how acting assignments started to thin in the late 90s and as a "serious actor" it was "devastating" to be ignored.

Mumbai, Jun 16: Filmmaker Dibakar Banerjee remembers Sushant Singh Rajput as a dance loving 'chhokra' from an engineering college who, having made it in Bollywood, was “enthused, sincere and totally focused” on his craft.

Banerjeee said the actor always had “a book or two” with him and took pride in the fact that he had an “inner intellectual life away from the shallower aspects of showbiz”.

Rajput was found dead in his Bandra apartment on Sunday at the age of 34, leaving his friends, colleagues and collaborators in a state of shock.

The Patna-born actor and the director worked together in 2015 film "Detective Byomkesh Bakshy!" when Rajput was a relative newcomer in the industry. Banerjee says it was Rajput's vulnerability and willingness to do different that made him stand out for the role.

In an interview with news agency, the filmmaker looks back at Rajput's sincerity, his love for science and astronomy and how an outsider has to work harder than a "mediocre, unmotivated and entitled establishment elite" to succeed in Bollywood.

Excerpts:

You worked with Sushant when he was less than two-year-old in the film industry. What struck you the most in him to cast as Detective Byomkesh Bakshy?

Banerjee: His vulnerability and intensity and the ambition to do different things than the usual Bollywood stuff.

What were your memories of Sushant- the actor and the person?

Banerjee: As an actor he would tense himself up for the scene and then completely plunge in take after take. He would put a lot of value on preparation. He would be up the previous night of the shoot, reading the scene and making notes and land up on the sets all raring to go.

He would be on, ready and give his hundred per cent throughout the shoot of Byomkesh - no matter how hard or long the day. The unit did not really have to worry about him - considering he was the star. That's what I remember - a total pro, enthused, sincere and totally focused.

As a person, he seemed to me a happy dance loving 'chhokra' from an engineering college who had made it in showbiz and now was serious about acting. He was deeply nostalgic about his carefree student days in Delhi. We used to laugh a lot - I remember that quite clearly.

Sushant's friends say that he spoke more about books and his love for astronomy than films and their fate, which is rare for an actor in the industry. Do you also remember him that way?

Banerjee: Totally true. He was a science and astronomy nut. Always had a book or two with him - and was proud of the fact that he had an inner intellectual life away from the shallower aspects of showbiz. I recognized it as a reflex, protective action to prevent the Bollywood swamp sucking him in totally. And also an identity he wanted to protect and project.

Sushant's death has brought to the fore the struggles of outsiders and the alienation they often face from the nepotistic culture of the industry. Did you feel that Sushant was also fighting this battle despite being a successful actor?

Banerjee: We all fight it, day in and out - whether successful or failing. But the trick is to define that success and failure ourselves and not let the narrative constantly forced by the establishment to get to you. Those who know this weather the storm and ultimately survive and thrive.

The biggest unfairness in all this is that it takes double the talent, energy and hard work for an outsider to convince the audience and the industry that he or she is as safe a box office bet as a mediocre, unmotivated and entitled establishment elite.

The media colludes in this by wallowing in family, coterie and celebrity worship. This leads to deep anger and frustration. Those who can let this slide survive. Those who can't - those who hurt a little more or are vulnerable and impressionable - they are at risk.

Mumbai, Jun 15: Actor Sushant Singh Rajput's death has reignited the discussions around the struggle of survival in Bollywood, with many insiders highlighting "cruel and unforgiving" nature of the industry, particularly tough on outsiders.

Rajput was found hanging in his Bandra apartment on Sunday.

According to a police official, Mumbai Police found out during the probe that the 34-year-old actor was under medication for depression.

An engineering student, Rajput left his course at the Delhi Technological University in the early 2000s and rose from a background dancer to a TV star with soap opera Pavitra Rishta, which gave the "outsider" his breakout show in 2009.

In 2013, he made his Bollywood debut with Kai Po Che! and went on to star in films such as Shuddh Desi Romance, Raabta, Kedarnath, Sonchiriya and Chhichhore.

But his most prominent role came as cricketer Mahendra Singh Dhoni's in the 2007 biopic, MS Dhoni: The Untold Story.

In a telling tweet, veteran actor Dharmendra wrote despite not knowing Rajput personally, his death served as a reminder that the industry could be "cruel".

"Pyaare Sushant, naa film dekhi na kabhi mila tum se... par tere achaanak chale jaane se bada sadma laga. This beautiful beloved 'show business" is very cruel. I can imagine your unbearable pain. I share the pain of your loving family and friends," Dharmendra wrote.

Actor Meera Chopra penned a powerful, poignant note about the loneliness one feels working in an industry, which is "cold and ruthless".

"We all knew well that Sushant was going through depression since long, but what did we do? Where was his close circle, the directors and producers he's worked with, his close friends? Why nobody came out and helped, gave him the kind of love, the work that he wanted - because nobody cares," she wrote on Twitter.

The Section 375 actor, who has been vocal about feeling suffocated by the constant judgement from the industry colleagues, said nobody in Bollywood cares about what one's going through and artistes are just a flop away from being alienated.

Chopra said the industry has "failed" Rajput and Bollywood will now never be the same.

"True, Bollywood is a small family, but a kind of family which is never there when you need them. He had to take his life for that family to realise the kind of pain and need he was in. An outsider will always feel like an outsider here.

"I just want to say to my industry that help people when they need it, and you know when they need it. There is no point tweeting when they are no more. Don't pretend to be sad when you guys didn't do anything when he was sad. Stop being such a hypocritical society," she added.

Gulshan Devaiah said, as an actor, one could understand why Rajput would've taken the step to end his life.

"As actors, somewhere deep down inside, we think we know why he did it and that’s why it so disturbing even if you didn’t know him at all. It’s a hard game to play and he played it very well but the game won in the end," Devaiah wrote.

Quoting Chopra's tweet, the Mard Ko Dard Nahi Hota star dismissed the idea of Bollywood being a family.

"If one thinks it’s a family, there is the problem. Bollywood is an imaginary name for a place of work, that’s it. I am really not trying to put anybody down here and sorry if it seems," he wrote.

On Sunday, actor-producer Nikhil Dwivedi posted a strongly-worded tweet calling out the "hypocrisy" of the industry after people from the film fraternity wrote they regretted not staying in touch with the "Chhichhore" star.

"High and mighty announcing they should have kept in touch with Sushant. Come on, you didn't! And that's because his career dipped. So STFU! Are you in touch with Imran Khan, Abhay Deol and others? No! But you were, when they were doing well," Dwivedi said.

Similar sentiment was echoed by filmmaker Anubhav Sinha, who, without taking names, said the "Bollywood Privilege Club" must sit down and think hard.

"Now don't ask me to elaborate any further," he tweeted.

Addressing outsiders, filmmaker Hansal Mehta wrote a long thread about the two ends of an artiste's time in the industry - the glorious successes and the crushing lows.

"There are many young 'outsiders' in this industry. Remember this - there is an establishment that will make you feel like the next big thing until they need you. They will drop you and mock you as soon as you falter. Do not fall for the trap. The ones that celebrate you will celebrate your downfall some time later," he tweeted.

Mehta said it's important for those who don't come from a film family to not force themselves to fit in.

"Just be authentic, follow your heart and stop seeking acceptance from anybody. Your connection should be with your art, your craft and with your audience. Nothing else matters. Over the years you will succeed, you will stumble.

"But remember that nothing is more important than you. Look after yourself. And know that you matter. The world is much bigger and wiser than what you perceive. So are opportunities. If you stay they will be yours. Lots of love. Never lose heart," the filmmaker wrote.

Celebrity hairstylist-turned-director Sapna Bhavnani claimed that Rajput's battle with mental health was out in the open and yet the industry chose to look the other way.

"It’s no secret Sushant was going through very tough times for the last few years. No one in the industry stood up for him nor did they lend a helping hand. To tweet today is the biggest display of how shallow the industry really is. No one here is your friend," she wrote on Twitter.